how could you?
ive liked you since sixth grade. ive cried over you, i lost my best friend over you, and everytime i want to see you i just want to be with you. i really like you. so sure, flirt the hell outta me at the party...then push me away. do you like me? i really cant tell. but youve fucked with my head so much i feel like crying. damnnit mack. i pushed away garett because i like you. if i picked you over garett then i picked a jerk over a really sweet guy.
how could you?

hello old friend

hey long time no see. its ridiculous how much ive changed. all the times ive sat on my bed crying when i could have been down here writing. what i truly love. lookin back i just got to say damn im a good writer haha ive let guys get in my way too much in the past. theyre no longer gonna be a hinderance. my heart is officially in an iron cage. you want me? prove it. im drew from degrassi, theres now a trial phase. and i feel good.
cody brown go fall in a hoel u man whore. its ridiculous cuz you make me think  that you want me and only me. too bad I KNOW youre goin after kim too. haha looks like uve been caught. but i wont call you on it. ill tease you though. a LOT. i really couldnt give a shit about you. horny loser. you need to learn how to treat a girl. so i feell like mr.blog you shall be geting updates quite often, starting this stupid suckish school. checklist of things to do:
1. make one girl friend. just one,. one solid friend that i can have sleepovers with and share secrest. tahts all i need.
2. get a clique. not too big not to bitchy not all girls.
3. find somewhere to sit at lunch :P
4. establish myself as a force to be reckoned with
5. make sure people hear your name and think oh shes sooo nice, soo cool.
6. ease my way onto the track team and get famous [;
7. DO NOT DATE UNTIL DECEMBER FIRST. no guy none. (exception with true love but that wont happen)
8. Do nothing slutty.
9. get good grades, dont be obnoxious about them,
10.regain your social life.

i dont know what im gonna be when i get to this school. its hard to imagine such a small school i dont really understand how its gonna work. i want to be someone cool that hangs out in large groups and dates the football player but i guess i would be equally happy being exactly what i was at fermi, but can i ever go back to what i was? im not that girl. im going to have secrets, scandoulus secrets in a small town that will remain secrets for a long time. i just hope there are cute boys there i need something to entertain myself. at the first sign of drama im going to squash it before it escalates.

bleh

im not sure why im in such a shitty mood right now...
fam: im getting sick of these family affairs. im jealous that ppl can just walk to eachothers houses and meet up and chill, i live in east fuckign windsor. i wish i could live with my dad, i wish i could live with my dad in enfield. i cant take it here anymore. i half wish i could go move back with my mom just so i can see my friends and go to practice without the issue of ....a 15 minute drive. thats another thing im getting so sick of driving i drive non stop everywhere half my life is in a damn car, i dont wanna drive any time soon.
nane: u say you tell day day things and me other things, well ya tell me nothing so i guess that means that danas the friend that knows ubetter and im there if u want a giggle everynow and then; not necessary. again i feel like im falling outta step, like five stepping between hurdles. just when i thought id settled into our little clique and things were going fantastically,....oh well i guess i was wrong because i was just a springboard to make you guys closer, cool.
logan: i cant even begin to express how i feel about him. half of me thinks hes a rebound and i dont even really like him. the other half smiles and squeels when he texts me. my dream guy: has longish hair, is real real cute, texts me cute stuff, isnt too clingy, holds my hand, isnt obnoxious but not ridiculously shy, is funny. logan is funny cute kinda shy holds my hand long curly blonde hair n he tells me tht he wishes i was with him and that oh the cutest things and i love it. hes just perfect and i feel like somethings gonna go wrong. anthony youre fucked up kid, youre real fucked up. thats all i have to say about you. but logan...i feel like ive moved up in the world since i started going out with you and its been less than a week but it just feels too perfect. i feel like im not good enough for you, but i want to be. youre sorta kinda the guy ive been dreamin of....and youve got a fucked up family life it proves ur not perfect, ive got a fucked up family life, we were made for eachother. so u made some bad decisions, thats in your past i wont hold it against you just dont do it again cuz that may break my heart. i gave up my best friend for you, cuz ur worth it.i umm well i really like you and its been less than a week but i feel like we got something goodo here..
well now that ive talked about logan i cant seem to find anything else wrong right now, please tell me i really like logan, i feel like theres no emotion toward him, as if he could break up with me and id say 'ok' and walk away. fuck. thats an issue.

booboo bear

idk why booboo but i cnt stop crying and its you. i love you booboo you are my fucking hero! and the thought of you not being around any more brings me to tears. this song is like the root of it all and it scares me half ot death to think you wont be there anymore. i cried when you left, i think i have abandonment issues like yukon..joy im a dog. but i miss you boobooo i miss you a lot. you ...youre everything to me. youre everything i want to be. youre superman as far as im concerned. i miss you and i love you. love your baby sister.

damn softball

you get your numbers, you form your possy, you're leaving me in the dust. This game we used to play together as a team, working as one, is now just a joke to you is this correct? Not as good, you've moved on to bigger and better and move closer and closer to new friends, old friends, but not me, never me. Was I just somebody to stand next to in line? Someone to sit with on the bus? But now you're playing a real sport and silly little track is nothing to you. I doubt you will ever do it again, unless its something to get you ready for your real sport. Well what you now mock you used to love. You used to get frustrated, and try harder, and harder, and harder, but that was just a silly game to you now. You don't need me when you have someone that you can make into whatever you want them to be. My best friend? Who cares, pull her away like a piece of lunch meat because you can make her what you want. Why you try so desperately to prove to me that she truly is your best friend is flabbergasting. And where am I on this food chain? Just someone to associate you with her, a piece of clay waiting to be molded. Well that's what you think but she's formed more than you know and you cant change who she is. I hate how you push me aside like im nothing. I hate how you push my sport aside like its nothing, its not just a silly little game, not to me at least. It's something I take pride in. And I dont think you understand. It's aas much a sport as yours. Stop pretending it isnt. As if. You make me so angry and I wish you didn't make the team. Then you'd come crawling back to me and your silly little game with sighs of relief. But you made the team. Fuck you.

replay

i hate it when these little spells of insecurity come out of nowhere. i dont know why it bugs me so much but the fact taht everyone else has millions of comments under their facebook pics saying how pretty they are, except mine. i dont get it, people say im pretty....but am i really just ugly? ugh i hate it. and why would people call me a bad person? i thought i was a good person for the most part. mike its all his fault. nicole obrien i dont fucking know you so u dont know me clearly you only know of what mikes told you so that means  mikes sayin somethin bad ugh. good to fuckin know. and why am i a bitch kayla? because mike likes me? hmm that makes me a bitch cuz he picked me, well ur a bitch for talking behind peoples backs. it really makes me mad that bobby said anything, like honestly ur just trying to be like alton and his doucheyness, do u think it wil make u cooler or something? cuz it wont, u suck, and sharmeen well screw you u dont know me. i feel like the fact that these people whom ive never spoke a word to are judging me i didnt think people could be so damn mean. it makes me wonder who else is talking about me, imean i always expect caity white n them to atlk about me, i dont care about them but when its people who totally dont knowme or worse, are my friends, it hurts it really does. and i wanna tell mike but ugh idk i dont want to make things akward for him  n kayla, wow whatever i think me n him should break up anyways i mean honestly im defending hi s little girlfriend here, im trying to let him continue to basically cheat on me so that i can stay with him. shes SUCH a bitch and he likes whores i guess. and honestly i hate drama i think from now on im not gona be mean to anyone, im not gonna give anyone a reason to call me a bad person or gossip about me then, if they still do thats their problem cuz i did nothing wrong. so there.

shock?

well, hes a god. he did it again, he broke me. again. i never thought he could break a broken heart, but he did it. he tricked me into hoping, im not sure how but he did. beyond repair ..i hate this place im at. yesterday and today i was on cloud nine n nothing could bring me down because i was in his arms. i never wanted to pull back, no hesitation. i didnt care if the whole school found out and called me a slut because i just wanted mike to like me, as much as i liked him but in the end he crushed me. i figured that it was innocent enough and i mean hes a guy, thats all guys want and i was ok with that. but i never thought hed give me up just from hearing that he HAD a chance. i cant take it. i really am his last resort and i cant take it. i like him too much. note to self: oh nvm, ik im gonna end up doing it again so whats it matter /: i give up im going back to plan a: give up on guys.